High-Fiving Male Sex Abuse Victims

High-Fiving Male Sex Abuse Victims

We’ve all seen the familiar story.  Hot teacher and young teenage male student.  One newspaper  used the word “romp” to describe a 24 year-old woman and a 16 year-old boy.

I click on the links and read the stories even though I know the reader comments will make me sad and angry.     The majority of men wanted to high five the boy and are focused entirely on the physical appearance of the woman.    What a profound example of the ripples of objectification.

Sad to admit that I used to be one of those guys who thought a minor was lucky to have sex with a “hot” female adult.

I’m also so happy that most women know its damaging and stick up for the male victims despite the hostility and ignorance of the men who want to high five the kid. I think most women probably know because so many have had the confusing combination of excitement from attention and physical arousal yet their soul telling them something is wrong.

Subconsciously the soul knows its being tricked but in the height of the moment doesn’t care. Often times the weight of the abuse doesn’t hit victims until they are the age of the abuser and see a child that was their age when it happened and it suddenly hits them how fucked up it was. They know their abuser was sick and what happened to them was sick. And it cannot be overstated how crushing this is to a persons soul and self esteem when the truth begins to dawn on them.

Children cannot consent to sex. To truly give consent you must know the ramifications of what you’re doing which children don’t. And puberty doesn’t make you emotionally an adult.

Just because a child wants to drive a car doesn’t mean they’re equipped to do it.   Why would exposing their soul to someone who is sick be any different?  Because it gives you an erection?   Do we high five kids for driving a car before they’ve learned what’s at stake because the car is sexy?

I have talked to countless men who had such experiences which they enjoyed physically at the time but now as adults struggle with self-esteem, emotional intimacy, performance anxiety, thoughts of suicide and sex addiction (either extreme promiscuity or extreme aversion).

I want to scream at the men who want to high five the boys but I try to remember I was once one of those ignorant men.

I hope some day the attitude about this changes as it makes recovery for these victims so much more difficult. I didn’t even understand what happened to me was wrong until decades later and when I did, the pain was so intense, I wanted to die. It has taken me several years to heal and one of the biggest stumbling blocks was blaming myself because I didn’t understand that what the soul and body experience can be totally separate.

And thank you to the people (especially the women) who call out the ignorance and stick up for us. Your support has really helped me.

If you want to read some of the victims/survivors accounts click the links below.   Notice how the effects of the ones that were clearly abusive are similar to the ones that aren’t.

Maybe you won’t want to high-five another boy.









Here’s one from the woman’s perspective.  She was 40 and he was 16 and it was via Skype.  Imagine their sexes being reversed.