But having grown up basically raising myself and needing to be in control and independent in order to "make it" have made me feel like being in control is necessary for survival
That's me. It's only recently I've realised how autonomously I've raised myself, and the only viewpoint I have of me, is me. And I think it's at least incomplete.
If it's any consolation, my therapist, when reflecting on the progress I made said 'You did come in here with a pretty big ego. It's good to see you can at least talk about it'