I just realized how shyness can be narcissistic. It's like I spend so much time trying to go unnoticed. For instance, I put look down when I see someone approaching who I might know and who might stop to talk to me. I hate taking pictures, so it annoys me that there is a surge in self-photos floating around.
But when I think about my shyness, I realized how much it's about me, about how this imaginary spotlight is shining on me and the "stage fright" that comes with it. Today I was at this company luncheon that was by invite only. We were seated in a roundtable-style setup, so that freaked me out initially. Then the WORST part was that I was sitting next to our company's Executive VP.
It was definitely one of the most nerve-racking situations I've been in of late.
Recently I've been turned off by the narcissism of a couple of people who host a different podcast. One of the hosts says she's actually very shy, and I roll my eyes when she says that. But as manuel_moe_g wrote, "I think a lot of people who project narcissism and self-love are actually full of self-loathing" made me see that maybe this person is telling the truth. She does talk on the podcast about going to therapy.
Then again, sometimes I think I am critical of others because I'm so critical of myself. *Sigh* Where's the off switch when I need it?
I drink to make other people more interesting. ― Ernest Hemingway
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