Narcissism

[manuel_moe_g]

Just some rambling thoughts on something I am working on right now - narcissism.

I have a problem with narcissism and grandiosity. Paul was talking about the relation between "I am the sun the whole universe revolves around" and "I am the piece of shit the whole universe revolves around" - they are not exactly opposites, they are both based on a unrealistic inflated view of my place in the universe.

Besides positive-narcissism "I am wonderful", and negative-narcissism "I am the worst piece of shit", there is also me trying to solve all my problems by crawling deeper inside my own head. And also the problem of me treating myself in all situations as a precious creature above all other humans.

All "ME"-centered, and all experiences filtered through "ME ME ME".

So lately I am trying to shake myself up when I catch myself acting or thinking in a way that is narcissistic or "ME"-centered. I will try to be realistic and allow it is unlikely that I can change overnight.

[ihavechappedlips]

Doing something is the hardest part, it seems.

[dare i say it]

For as long as I can remember, I've been extremely self-conscious. I'm afraid that no matter where I am, everyone who sees me is secretly judging me. As a result, I dread interacting with people and when I'm forced to do so I devote an enormous amount of mental energy to coming across likeable and well-adjusted. I guess it's about the same as thinking "I am the piece of shit the whole universe revolves around." I just wonder if it's truly narcissism because I would love nothing more than to blend into the wallpaper and never be noticed again. I thought narcissism was about needing to be the center of attention. Maybe not. Any thoughts?

[manuel_moe_g]

I am not sure. I think a lot of people who project narcissism and self-love are actually full of self-loathing. Also, "flipping the switch" between "I am the best" and "I am the worst" still allows me to continue to focus on myself.

[cranialspasm]

Often times I come off as narcissistic to others.

While it's true that I post a lot of pictures and funny conversations on facebook and my blog, I find that i have crippling self-doubt and am trying to use an alternate way to get validation.

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, I am not being judgmental about narcissism, because sometimes when a person says "look at me!" they really do have a lot to offer. Narcissism is negative when it is a barrier to connection because a person is all twisted in knots curled up inside of themselves. I use my own head as a well that I keep returning to, but that well has run dry. Don't look inside your own head, Moe, not all the answers are found there!

[MCspeaks]

It's funny, I was thinking something similar about blog posts and twitter etc. and feeling like this was my way of saying "look, I'm so amazing! read my stuff! I'm so funny and witty" (I really do feel that way about my twitter, it's a bit strange) and I think I immediately go to narcissism because I'm not used to feeling good about myself or at least not in any kind of external way. Definitely a new way of being to navigate.

[BecomingKind]

Yes. That's twitter and facebook for you. Huge narcissistic outlets.

People can now participate in the world through "paper doll" personas. Change profile pic. Try a new status update. Maybe that will finally fix me.

Everything (relationships, food, concerts, clothes) is experienced by letting others watch it.

I blame too much television and not enough real parenting. Children attach to the comfort and security of a screen and mistrust people.

[/bitterness]

[LaiLaiGirl]

I just realized how shyness can be narcissistic. It's like I spend so much time trying to go unnoticed. For instance, I put look down when I see someone approaching who I might know and who might stop to talk to me. I hate taking pictures, so it annoys me that there is a surge in self-photos floating around.

But when I think about my shyness, I realized how much it's about me, about how this imaginary spotlight is shining on me and the "stage fright" that comes with it. Today I was at this company luncheon that was by invite only. We were seated in a roundtable-style setup, so that freaked me out initially. Then the WORST part was that I was sitting next to our company's Executive VP.

It was definitely one of the most nerve-racking situations I've been in of late.

Recently I've been turned off by the narcissism of a couple of people who host a different podcast. One of the hosts says she's actually very shy, and I roll my eyes when she says that. But as manuel_moe_g wrote, "I think a lot of people who project narcissism and self-love are actually full of self-loathing" made me see that maybe this person is telling the truth. She does talk on the podcast about going to therapy.

Then again, sometimes I think I am critical of others because I'm so critical of myself. *Sigh* Where's the off switch when I need it?

[manuel_moe_g]

One of the lessons that I hated to learn was that what traits irritates us most when we see them in other people, are exactly the traits we ourselves possess. I hate that truth - it stinks. My therapist reminded me of that when I said how horrified I was about people with Aspergers who steamroll over the feelings of others. Of course, I am very guilty of that.

Compassion cuts both ways - I cannot be compassionate to myself while being harsh and judgmental to others, and vice versa - and this goes for the jerky-faces too!