The gray area is what is so hard. Fitting the background of this is gray. I think what is important is our feelings. I think we can sort through our feelings without necessarily having to confront someone. Then we have the luxury of changing our perspective as we heal. Obviously saying these things on a public podcast about my mom, I wanted to tread carefully and present the facts. I don't want to call her anything I will regret. Even though I'm quite sure she will never hear it.
I do think we need to have compassion for our parents. I have a lot of compassion for my mother. I don't hate her, I'm not angry with her. One of my greatest wishes is for her to get the love she so desperately wants. But I can't give it to her, because she wants it in a package that makes me ill. For years I was furious at her. I"m not anymore. I can see her as the sick person she is. I've forgiven her, but I can't keep going back to a situation that hurts, and isn't going to change. Someday I might, but right now, I don't feel like it. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. You guys and Dr. Zucker and my wife have guided me there, and I will be forever grateful.
The lotion being applied by your mom creeps sounds so violating. There is no reason why a 12 year-old boy can't put lotion on his own penis. I think the question then becomes, how do we move forward knowing we will never know their intentions FOR SURE. That's the 64,000 dollar question. And that's where I am right now. But it is greatly comforting to hear people tell me, whether it can be called sexual abuse or not, it wasn't appropriate and I have a right to feel pain or discomfort about it. And lets remember we were children and they were adults.
http://mentalpod.comNothing degrades the quality of my life like obsessing about the quality of my life.