Rock bottom

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Rock bottom

Postby psm45 » April 16th, 2012, 8:49 am

Just took the shame survey. Honestly, I feel like I've hit rock bottom. Years of depression and excapism from a chaotic upbringing in whitch I'm still in the midst in (just turned 22 a few days ago) has manifested itself into a sort of weird sexual possession. Being exposed to sex at a very young age by a young peer at 5 years old, I've been extremely addicted to masturbation and pornography for years (most of my life). It has regressed into feteshes that i'm too ashamed to mention and yesterday, I acted out on that fetish for the first time. I feel so ashamed and disgusted. I am ready to surrender and finally get help. I've gone to a therapist last year which cost me an arm and a leg and now I'm out of a job so I kind of don't know where to begin. I've been ignoring family and freinds due to my hidden shame and now i fear that I've been out of touch so long that they will be angry at me. It's such a lonely, trapped feeling.

Also, I really need to get a job but the thought of working now makes brain melt even though i want to work. I feel Iike I'm too sick to work and guilty becuase of that feeling. Contrary, getting a job is probably just what I need to get out of this funk.

this is my first post
thanks for reading :|
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Re: Rock bottom

Postby manuel_moe_g » April 16th, 2012, 10:56 am

Hello psm45, welcome to the forum.

You deserve your own forgiveness, because you deserve a future. Part of you says no, but that part of you is wrong. You deserve your own forgiveness, because you deserve a future.

Please take care, psm45, we here are all cheering for you and your greatest today and tomorrow. All the best.
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Re: Rock bottom

Postby Paul Gilmartin » April 16th, 2012, 9:59 pm

PSM,

Welcome. You don't have to feel alone anymore. If there's a group of people who understand you, it's people like us.

Addictions are not hopeless if you're willing to work towards a solution. Most people aren't motivated to do that until they've caused some serious wreckage or shame. So I would turn your recent episode into a positive and seek help. 12 step meetings don't cost a dime and they change lives. You might find help at one for sex and love addiction. Here is the national website for one. You should be able to find local meetings from there, assuming you don't live in the total boonies.

Don't give up hope. This could be a great beginning of learning a new way to live with your feelings. Because that's what makes us do addictive behavior. We can't stand how we're feeling.

Anyway, here's the website. http://www.slaafws.org/meetings
If you have any more questions and would like to contact me privately, email me at mentalpod@gmail.com

Paul :)
http://mentalpod.comNothing degrades the quality of my life like obsessing about the quality of my life.
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