Yeah, "Dare I Say It" in this forum encouraged me to restart therapy, and I made the first phone call on Friday. I have some anxiety about it, so I will write down what improvements to myself would really remove a lot of difficulty from my life, ask the therapist to go easy on me with the things I have the least control over, and hold me to a high standard on the things I have the most control over, and I will use past therapist experiences to avoid the feeling of being taken advantage of or being ignored.
want to work on: rage, being "punchy" when human interaction is unwelcome, pushing myself to do a little more work before I collapse
little control over: I have to move slow, I cannot risk giving up because I cannot sustain a faster pace
more control over: meditative times when things in my day slow up
therapist issues: need concrete steps, I want to pick what we work on so use therapist "à la carte", I need a therapist who is secure enough so they don't need to bolster their ego during the session
About forgiveness, "in_media_res": please forgive yourself first, forgive yourself second, forgive yourself third, and the people who did wrong to you have to wait in line. Wait to forgive the baddies until you have several people who see clearly that you _need_ to forgive to move forward toward things that are the very very best for you!
All the best, please take care, we here are all cheering for your very best today and tomorrow!