Suckerpunched by a mediocre film

[Maia]

Does anyone else ever have it when you are just pottering along in your day and then something seemingly small delivers a big old suckerpunch to your stomech and sense of worth?
This afternoon I was watching JJ. Abrams "Super 8" with a friend, a pretty mediocre film with some cool visuals. There was a moment near the end when the main boys father finds him among the carnage and just grabs him and hugs him tight and whispers "I've got you". Yeah, pretty sappy but it felt like a punch in my gut and a few seconds later I was bawling my eyes out.
I would give anything for my Dad to hug me like that and tell me that. Don't get me wrong, I know my Dad loves me. He is generous both with material possessions and with his time. But I have always felt that he loves me because he has to. Its a job, a role he has to fill because of how traditional he is in his family values. He isn't the most emotionally open man and never has been. Over the years I have tried to get him to open up but this very rarely happens and is brief. Even in the throes of my depression as a young adult he would never discuss it with me.
I have a younger sister who couldn't be more different than me. She has a high paid job, owns two properties and has been in a solid relationship for the past 10 years. She owns and drives a car and runs another business in her spare time. When my Dad speaks to her his eyes light up. They talk about cars and property and her relationship and friends. When I bring art and film and passion and debate and comedy to the table his eyes glaze over again and he falls quiet. He has no in erest in me and, although I have come to accept this over the years, ocassionally it will hit me like a ton of bricks. In this case while watching a movie about aliens and home made zombie movies.

[dare i say it]

Yes, I get suckerpunched emotionally like that from time to time. It seems like the point of any art form, even if it's not well-executed, is to evoke emotions in the audience. Movies and television are sooooo good at that. Certain songs will do that to me too.

I'm sorry your dad doesn't show you very much affection. My dad has always been that way with me too. I certainly understand your desire to feel more warmth from him. If you're like me then thinking about your relationship with your dad brings up a lot of feelings of sadness, insecurity, resentment and so forth. If I may offer one piece of advice though, passing on some wisdom that was given to me recently, I would caution you against drawing any conclusions about why your dad is the way he is. The way my dad interacts with me has very little to do with me. Trying to change my dad means making my happiness dependent on him and that's a bad plan. I can remind him that I'm open to a deeper relationship with him, but his response has almost nothing to do with me. I'm an adult now and I can build my own life, being involved with people who generally treat me the way I want to be treated.

Still, I know how much that stings when it's your own dad. I get it.

[Maia]

I'm sorry to hear that you have a similar situation with your Dad.
I definetely agree with your point about not making my happiness dependent on him. I am an extremely independent person and have built a life around me that, while not perfect, I am proud of and happy with. When I'm feeling low about myself I automatically think it must be because of me when logically I know that there must be something deeper to it.
I honestly believe that my Dad is also depressed and insecure and maybe thats why he won't broach the subject about my own depression with me. Unfortunately anything we have done to try and broach the subject with him doesn't seem to work although I hope that he does hear what we say to him even if he doesn't show it.