Late 20-something Hot Mess

[Aerin McG]

Hi guys.
I am so glad I found this podcast and forum. Where do I start? I'm a 27 year old (girl) woman with severe depression and a history of self-destructive behavior. Currently I'm unemployed (thanks, recession), totally broke, with horrible credit, and living at home again. I'm totally numb right now, have feelings of being out of control, and my depression is manifesting itself through apathy, and an eating disorder (I was bulimic a few years ago, but now I simply can't bring myself to eat at all).
The really sucky part is that I am genuinely popular when I'm in the mood to be, I'm funny, pretty, and intelligent. I've just been through so many things in my life (abuse, rape, and being held hostage by 3 men at gun-point), that it's left me broken and filled with hatred for my every breath and other people.
I'm also genetically predisposed to mental illness.

*All of the therapy I've had over the past 7 years has made me VERY candid and filterless, so if that bothers any of you, I'm sorry (not really).

I know I'm a mess.

Hi, I'm Aerin

[algernon]

Hello Ms. McG,

You've come to the right place! Welcome!

Lot's of things to consider posted in the forum.

The best to you is my wish!

[marathonbar]

Hi there! I get what you say about your history leaving you filterless. Depression has a way of doing that. Life is too short to waste being coy. Hang in there.

[dare i say it]

Aerin,

I'm glad you're here with us in the forum. I hope that, like me, you find this a safe place to talk about what's going on in your life. As I read about the very difficult things you've been through I wonder if you've had a chance to listen to any of the podcast episodes with female guests who are survivors of sexual abuse. Episode 45 with Ronnie Schiller comes to mind. There are probably others that I haven't gotten to yet. The episodes where I relate strongly to the guest can be particularly gut-wrenching, but sometimes it's a good starting point to hear someone else giving a voice to something I've been through.

[Aerin McG]

Hi,

I'm a brand new listener, so I've only gotten to the 4th podcast. I'll definitely keep listening. Thanks for your reply

[fmperfectl]

hi aerin (ps i love that name)

we have a lot a lot a lot in common. it would be interesting to hear some of your stories, insights, etc. write this down and remind yourself everyday..."life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. it's about learning to dance in the rain."

hang in there.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Aerin,
Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this to be a safe and loving place to be yourself. I've found nothing but good honest energy from the people here. If you share too much for somebody, they can just stop reading. So let it fly. We're here for you to let out whatever is on your mind.

Paul

[Aerin McG]

Thanks Paul!

I can already say that a number of forum members have helped tremendously. 'dare i say it' referred me to the Ronnie Schiller episode, and it had such a profound impact on me. I've listened to a lot of podcasts, but yours is the first to help me in ways I thought lost to me. Thank you.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Thanks for saying so Aerin. Sent you a DM in case you were too embarrassed to post. Glad you can see we're here for you.

Paul

[Aerin McG]

I got the DM, and it definitely meant a lot to me. I sent a reply (I forgot to include a subject heading). Thanks again.