Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

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Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby oak » September 15th, 2013, 9:13 am

Hey all.

May I please bookend a anxious action?

This summer my friend put a call out on social media for old laptops. He will refurbish them, and send them to an orphanage.

Fine. I sent him a message in say July offering an old laptop I have, provided we could meet at a convenient time for both of us to give it to him. He agreed.

About ten days ago I sent him another message saying that late September would be a convenient time for me to get it to him. I would drive the hour to his house, which would be convenient for me.

Today, now, I intend to send him a message on social media saying that he must reply to me in the next week, or I will make other plans for the laptop.

Here goes for my bookend:

I feel anxious. I'd a 4 or a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.

This despite the fact that I am reaching out to him, trying to do him a favor.

I am using my voice.

I will also create a boundary. I can use this laptop for my own purposes if he can't be bothered to get back to me.

I want to be nice to him, but I have needs and plans of my own, and I am not so nice that his inaction will cause me not to take action.

Okay! So I'll post after I send the message, with an update as to my emotional state. (Which will probably be relief.)

Fear, that one trick pony, makes me think I will die.

Well, if I die at least I go out in a blaze of agency. Wish me luck.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby oak » September 15th, 2013, 9:18 am

And I didn't die! :)

(Screw you, Fear!)

I feel relief and happy.

Here was my message, with clear boundaries, using my voice:

[My friend's name],

How are you?
I hope you are doing well, enjoying your fall.
I have this laptop ready to give to you. Please get back to me regarding it in the next week (9-22). or I will make other plans for it.
Take care.

[My name]
[My phone number*]


(* Last week I got my phone turned back on!)
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby oak » September 15th, 2013, 9:20 am

Also, I took the action of putting a follow up reminder into my phone's calendar to check this social media for his reply, if any, a week from right now.

Yay for taking action. It makes me feel better, even if the action hurts or is scary.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby weary » September 15th, 2013, 10:38 am

Well done. I always underestimate how much help making these statements in some external way (even if just writing them down) can provide. A commitment to yourself to follow through is always one worth making.
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby oak » September 15th, 2013, 11:35 am

Thanks for your encouragement weary!

My friend got back to me, ergo:

1. I get to reconnect with my friend
2. An orphan will get a laptop
3. My friend and I will get good karma
4. I will be decluttered, creating space for a better laptop.
5. A friendship is restored through communication.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby gfyourself » September 15th, 2013, 12:44 pm

Thanks for posting Oak. Glad it turned out well.
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Re: Bookend: Voice and boundaries.

Postby kitkat » September 16th, 2013, 2:11 pm

Glad it worked out! That sounds like a wonderful charity and you get to reconnect with someone at the same time! I love hearing good outcomes from someone asserting themselves. Keep being awesome! :D
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