Used words => Buspirone

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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » May 28th, 2016, 5:31 am

Hi Manuel Moe and Rivergirl.

Your posts have encouraged me greatly.

Just yesterday morning I was despairing, and then remembered that I have support here. Things were still difficult throughout the day, but they were better, and I made it.

In the last week I got my buspirone refilled and made an appointment with the doctor for a week from now.

I have to have hope, but not certainty, that the ongoing debacle causing my anxiety will be mitigating then "over". But is a life-crisis ever really "over"? There are the physical and emotional scars from the anxiety. Sigh.

I am taking steps, embarrassingly small steps, and however faulty, to take care of myself and express some agency in what I can control: I am tracking (again, very imperfectly) what I am eating and spending, and balancing my checkbook.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby rivergirl » May 28th, 2016, 7:08 pm

You do have support here, Oak, and when you're ready I feel confident that you can find that IRL as well.

It can be really painful to look at your life and see how far you are from where you thought you'd be. It seems to be a necessary part of the process of making major life changes, unfortunately.

Small steps are still steps! :clap:

I've noticed that the phrase "baby steps" comes up a lot when people describe what worked for them, and maybe I'm just a slow learner, but it's the only thing that's ever worked for me.

I'm glad you have an appointment. Keep us posted!

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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » June 4th, 2016, 2:08 pm

Let me say that I love buspirone.

Even if these are just sugar pills, I feel better.

I went to the doctor this week for a renewal of my prescription.

A wonderful man, he said I looked much better, and I have to admit I felt much better.

I can hardly believe that the mess I was on April 20 is the same person. I have alot of compassion for that me. He was doing his best.

Starting that day, when I used my words (remembering in my mental haze what I had typed in this forum so many times), I started to get alot of help.

That being said, lol, I still have a long way to go. Sometimes it is better for me not to think about the man and person I am not, and focus, like you said rivergirl, on the baby steps I can take today. Oh, it is difficult.

Another thought about buspirone

Ever since I've taken this buspirone goodness how I crave protein. Meat, milk. Ruebens.

That is all I think about all day: Ruebens.

(As a test, I will take my evening buspirone now at 6:19 pm. I'll post if I am craving a Rueben by 9 pm. It is as if I cannot resist them. Protein: must get protein.)

I take the buspirone twice a day, and an hour after taking I finding myself ravenously stuffing a rueben, peanut butter, and/or milk down my face.

I am not eating any more than usual, but goodness does this buspirone make me hungry.

All in all it is great stuff. Asking for help and taking better care of myself have also helped. I honor the person who created buspirone.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » June 19th, 2016, 5:58 am

On the occasion of getting my second refill, an update both about anxiety and buspirone.

Anxiety: In general I am doing much better: I've been facing (though it took me a long time, in very hesitant steps) the situation that is the main cause of my anxiety.

I have real reason to think things will get better soon, if I act.

I've got a bit more of wanted thoughts the last few days. I am pretty sure if have better habits (exercise more, eat a good breakfast) and observe myself as I start to spiral into hypochondria thoughts, I can mitigate this.

For example, I have a few social events (I am trying to make friends!) in the next seven days. I am scared of getting a cold, not because of having a cold but because I tend to lose my voice.

If a cold lasts a week, I might have two colds a year. That means the odds of getting a cold this week are 1/26. And I've gotten through every other cold in my life. Oh anxiety.

Buspirone!

Though my anxiety is fluid and a work in progress, I really like buspirone. I honor the doctor who created it. I missed a dose Thursday morning.

My craving for ruebens is decreasing. Buspirone certainly activated appetites.

While people are usually very kind and respectful to me, the pharmacy staff are a bit condescending to me. In general I am fine with people who don't like me; that is at least honest. I can't stand ironic detachment.

So anyway I politely tried to chat up the staff yesterday and the did the young-person condescension thing.

Happily the cashier saw something attractive in me (not that I was trying; it was Saturday morning and I was picking up medicine) and was very flirty.

I got my beloved buspirone and flirted with!
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby Imissmysun » July 8th, 2016, 12:08 pm

I'm on buspirone and venlafaxine

I don't think they make a huge difference for me

THey are supposed to make me sleepy as a side effect - but I am always tired - so no idea if I am being side effected by them -

I don't feel happier - then again I am working through stuff with my therapist and when garbage comes up it makes me tired and relapse and triggers happen right?

So I think its keeping me more level am I in love with it no....

I also don't think that all the "addictive" drugs do anything either I was on some drug that my dr told me to take in moderation - felt no difference after taking the pill still an anxious mess - so yeah no real change here

But I am so happy that it has made a big difference in your life

and I get vomity lightheaded feelings if I dont take my venlafaxine - I think that its a withdrawal sympton
Just another messed up chick, who hates her body and face, and voice, and thinks she is useless and her stuff isn't that bad and she should get over it.
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » July 8th, 2016, 7:45 pm

Thanks, Imissmysun!

Lately it just makes me hungry, super hungry. I don't eat any more than usual, I just eat ravenously. And I did finally get sick of ruebens.

I hope you find a medicine(s) that makes you feel better.

I honor you for bringing up garbage: sunlight is the best disinfectant.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby studiousstrwbry » July 18th, 2016, 12:25 pm

Oh man, this hit me HARD. My mom was always about "using your words", but I was never able to speak up about her abusiveness towards me, my father's abusiveness, my inability to cope with social situations, etc. My therapist is helping me figure out ways to find my voice again.

You are not alone.
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » July 18th, 2016, 12:43 pm

Thanks Studio!

You keep using your words. It takes courage.

Remember: we're only as sick as our secrets.

Hang in there.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Used words => Buspirone

Postby oak » July 30th, 2017, 2:11 pm

I am off the buspirone.

I had a panic attack on March 9 (well, I thought I was dying of a heart attack, so whatever it was, it sucked). My doctor doubled my dose to 20 mg/day. I felt like a zombie.

As I've posted here in my assertiveness thread (update soon!) shortly thereafter I started standing up to my boss. Work was the cause of my anxiety that precipitated my use of buspirone. I also started to eat and exercise better.

Between feeling like a zombie, and life going better, I simply quit the buspirone. Even that is saying too much about it: I just totally didn't care.

I am grateful for the buspirone. I was a total mess when prescribed it, and ready for any sort of solution.

At 10 mg, I'm not sure it really worked. (I understand many people are at 50 or 60 mg; I could hardly stand 20.)

Maybe it was a placebo effect, but I thought at the time that the buspirone sort of evened out my mood: a gentle slope up and down, compared to the previous jagged emotional chaos.

I supposed I'd use buspirone or a similar whatnot in the future. But I'd be a lot more clear about timeline. I think 3-6 months is plenty for me for that stuff. I might be a bit more careful (ie take direct action sooner to confront the anxiety-causing situation) next time; I believe in medicine for mental health; and I want to be careful of altering my brain chemistry. Just my own little hangup :)

I'm grateful for it, I suppose. It was sort of like veggie burgers: deeply, profoundly fine. On a scale of 1 to 100, with 50 being average, it was 50.000000001

Edit:

I went back and re-read my posts in this thread. The buspirone was more helpful than I remembered, mainly because I was sicker then than I remember now.

It is easy and natural to be blase blase now, but goodness was I a mess last year. The buspirone was an important part of getting better, including using my words, finding a fairly competent primary care physician, and taking direct action to confront the issue (when the time came).

I was a very sick person when I first posted this. Thank you to the scientist(s) who created buspirone.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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