Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

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Re: Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

Postby rivergirl » December 7th, 2017, 6:19 am

Oak, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles this week. You have my concern and support. Please keep reaching out and keep us posted on how you're doing. I care about you.

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Re: Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

Postby oak » December 7th, 2017, 4:02 pm

Thank you, everyone, for your posts!

Finally some good news:

I went to the doctor and:

1. I was diagnosed with anxiety. I am back on the buspirone, 10 mg, which is good.

2. Per the chest pain, she took a blood test and ordered a 2D echocardiogram.

3. Longer term she told me the same thing my father told me: have more fun, forgive, make friends, live life.

Just like the paramedics at the dentist office last week, she both validated the seriousness of the situation, and plainly said that there is a way out. She praised my progress in life, and encouraged me to continue to take better care of myself. So much kindness.

The panic attack yesterday was the worst hour of my life. I don't ever want to experience that again. Never. I'll do whatever it takes to get better.

I'm going to put back the pieces of my life. Thank you for listening. Lots of forum love.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

Postby oak » December 9th, 2017, 5:58 pm

I am panic attack free for 72 hours!

I went to the wonderful EAP counselor today, and among other things, she gave me tools to handle the anxiety.

Like the doctor and my father, (if I may speak honestly), she said that she was proud of the changes I've made in the last year. All three said that I have a lot going for me, and lots of resources. All take my difficulty very seriously, validating me, but none were scared, per se. If that makes sense.

She also helped me remember that terrible moment a week ago today:

(Caveat: the dentist, his staff, and the office itself I refer to in a moment were all perfectly lovely. I was having a panic attack.)

I remember sitting in that dentist office, thinking I could die at any moment: "I'm 41, dying maybe, and listening to cheesy Christmas music."

I was... unsatisfied. Profoundly unsatisfied, and I realized it wholly and clearly in an instant.

Cliche but true: my thoughts, my only two thoughts, everything else meaning nothing and having been stripped away: I wish I had loved more and spent more time happy.

I am hesitant to share this, as this is my soul laid bare.

Love and happiness. Something I always knew but rarely lived. Work, money, "stuff", responsibilities, identity: none of that mattered. I didn't think of any of that. I didn't have time.

Love and happiness.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

Postby brownblob » December 10th, 2017, 12:31 am

Beautifully put, Oak.
"I don't like people much and they don't much like me." John Nash A Beautiful Mind
"Self knowledge is a dangerous thing--The freedom of who you are" Lou Reed
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Re: Chest pains: paramedics. Panic attack?

Postby rivergirl » December 10th, 2017, 11:45 am

Thank you for sharing, Oak.
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