Afraid to Medicate - Depression/Chronic Pain

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Afraid to Medicate - Depression/Chronic Pain

Postby LeendertHasABox » November 11th, 2017, 9:20 pm

Hi all,

New to the forum, so apologies if this is a repeated topic. I'm very bad at writing about myself. I'm going to try for some brevity here but feel free to ask me any questions that might help lead to better feedback.

My question for the forum is twofold:

1. I've been afraid of taking meds basically my whole life. The reasons are many, and ranging from my parent's use of them, my own weird, weak sauce philosophical stances on meds, my very real fear of a host of side-effects, and of course waking up to find that my sensitive, creative, human self has been replaced with a robot.

I'm about at my wit's end with talk therapy not panning out for me though, and constantly thinking about my stance on this again. I don't know enough to know if the ideal success story for meds begins with a willing and enthusiastic participant (I know how stupid this might sound), or if it's more common that you need to power through all of these anxious worries and fears to get to the greener side of the fence.

For reference, I suffer from a range of things, not limited to but including severe depression, anxiety, CPTSD and my arch nemsis, chronic pain (for which I've been diagnosed with a mind/body syndrome after physicians striking out with me for several years). The thought of meds makes me even all the more anxious which at the moment feels like the last thing I need.

2. Assuming I get some med-positive feedback here (sorry, just making a calculated guess), I'm curious if anyone else has any experience with their depression being overrun by a chronic pain syndrome that seems to run your entire life, and what kind of experiences they've had physically with different medications.

To be honest my list of feared side-effects is long and a little silly. To list a few, I don't want to gain any more weight than I already am, and I don't want my sex drive to dry up more than it already does sometimes. I'm also afraid of the robot thing. And I'm definitely afraid of how many of these meds purport to cause muscle aches/stiffness (the last thing I need) and other such physical side-effects. I know I'm asking a lot. And I know your experience is obviously not going to mirror my own.

I'm worried that too much trial-and-error experimentation will cause me to get disheartened and just give up after a little while like almost everything else I do in life. If if turns out I've been wrong this whole time and there's some benefit to me trying medication, I'd really hate to fuck it up by simply being impatient and looking in the wrong places. Any advice based on similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much
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Issues: Chronic Pain, Depression, Anxiety, CPTSD

Re: Afraid to Medicate - Depression/Chronic Pain

Postby brownblob » November 12th, 2017, 7:39 am

Hi Leender,
I don't have chronic pain so my situation is different. I've dealt with depression my whole life. There are reasons to be nervous about taking meds, but if they don't work for you or the side effects are too bad you can stop taking it. I don't think you have to be enthusiastic about taking them. I doubt many depressed people can muster enthusiasm for much of anything. It is more about enduring the trial and error of trying different meds until you find something that works and you can tolerate. For me, the side effects never bothered me that much. I just had a hard time finding anything that helped. I'd try them and feel nothing. I had to try a lot before I found one that helped. The way I looked at it I had nothing to lose. I was miserable without meds and they were the only hope I had. For me, I believe there is a biological cause behind my depression and meds are the only solution to that.
I wouldn't worry that much about turning into a robot. You will still be whoever you are.
"I don't like people much and they don't much like me." John Nash A Beautiful Mind
"Self knowledge is a dangerous thing--The freedom of who you are" Lou Reed
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Re: Afraid to Medicate - Depression/Chronic Pain

Postby oak » November 12th, 2017, 8:02 am

Hi! Thanks for posting. I'm glad you did.

In the last year or so I've taken buspirone (10 mg day) and been in anesthesia for wisdom teeth.

Both were, IME, at best necessary evils.

Both made me zombie-like:

Even at 10 mg/day (which is one-sixth of what some people take) of buspirone I was woozy.

The anesthesia from my wisdom teeth, a month ago, affected my cognition.

Were I to make a suggestion, it would be to weigh carefully what you are getting into, should you decide to try medication.

I also encourage you, kindly and gently, to take your experiences and feelings seriously. Everything you describe is not-silly.

What you describe is important. I encourage you to find a team. Keep telling people what you are experiencing, until someone cares.

Good luck. Keep us posted.
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

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