Scars

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Scars

Postby Luna » May 15th, 2013, 9:56 pm

The only body issue I really have is insecurity about my scars. I have these two huge, pretty gnarly vertical scars the length of the insides of my forearms from a suicide attempt. It's pretty obvious what they are, they don't really get mistaken for accident or self harm scars.
Sometimes really rude people will ask me about them and I just want to punch them in the face. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to ask personal questions of someone unless you're close friends? I wish I could just say "That's none of your fucking business," but so far I just get really quiet and can't bring myself to say anything.
I've slept with guys who either never notice or never say anything, and I've slept with guys who notice and immediately ask me about it, assuming they can help somehow or that I'm going to immediately open up to them just because they noticed.
I worry that people judge me as soon as they see. That at first glance, I appear to be just a hot girl with a kind of weird looking face, and then as soon as they notice my scars they shift to thinking I'm some kind of suicidal freak or depressed crazy person. Or that they think they know me or my story based on that one thing.
It's also hard because most suicide attempt survivors get to choose whether or not to disclose that part of their past. I don't get that choice, it's just broadcast to the world.
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Re: Scars

Postby ghughes1980 » May 16th, 2013, 2:05 am

That's an intense issue, thanks for sharing. I can relate to this issue like so many others in this community. I hate my scars and the way people react to them. Negative comments on scars really shaped my world view on people and that is a big part of my social anxiety and isolation. The helper vibe is really creepy if you don't know the person well. You can't help, sorry to burst your bubby but unless you're magic STFU lol
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Re: Scars

Postby oak » May 16th, 2013, 7:29 am

Luna,

Hey!

While I don't have similar scars, sometimes people will try to eff with me by surprising me with inappropriate questions. I think they rely on surprising me. These people demonstrate very poor manners, and should go eff themselves.

I've noticed these bullies often rely on surprising me.

Ironically, when I can handle their inappropriate questions, they *totally* don't like the tables getting turned on them.

I am not obligated to answer anyone's question just because some jackass has something to say.

Another useful thing I keep in mind to "answer" their question with another question. And another question.

Example:

"What is that scar from?"
or
"What do you earn hourly?"
or
"Are you gay?"

Can be answered with:

"Why do you ask?"
or
"How much money do you make?"
or
"Why do you need to know?"
or
"What is it to you?"

See, I think they try to get me on the defensive, buying into their stupid reality.

If they start the question asking game, play it right back.

But like I said, oftentimes these stupid jerks rely on me being too surprised to give a coherent response.

Bullies. They never learn.

But you don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. Easier said than done :)

Good luck!
"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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Re: Scars

Postby floradrenaline » December 14th, 2015, 6:32 pm

I have kind of an different problem. I have self-harm scars on my arms and legs, and while almost no one asks about them, I just hate them and have a really hard time feeling pretty or desirable because of them. I worry about people judging me too, though. I understand the feeling of worrying if people think I'm a freak or crazy. When I made them, I had been cutting on-and-off since I was 13 (and I was 21) and had no scars, so I figured these wouldn't scar either. Turns out the tool I used was different enough that these ones scarred while all the other ones I made over the years faded right away. At the time, I was suicidal and didn't care if they showed, but now I'm not and I do. Wish I had thought that one through better :doh:
"My bones aren't dirt and even if they were, I'd rather make peace with the insects inside me than let you take a shovel to my spine and dig out all of who I am." - Unknown ///// mental health blog: http://www.lithiumandlace.com/
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Re: Scars

Postby ovoce » January 23rd, 2016, 8:53 am

I had a pretty large area of my thigh covered in self harm scars, though only 3 were super deep they all scarred, but I let them heal up (haven't cut since 4/14/14!) and got a tattoo to cover the whole area. It hurt like HELL over the thicker scars (far worse than any other of the tattoos I have) but I feel so much more confident since getting it done. Though I will say, the summer of 2014 I went to the beach with a bunch of friends (while some of the scars were still pinkish and vaguely fresh and so numerous and uniform that there wasn't really any denying what they were from) and nobody said a word, so that made me feel better too. Though I will say that even when I wanted people to ask about them (while I still had lots of fresh bloody cuts and was sleeping around so people would see me naked a lot) only one person brought them up, and that person is now my husband haha. I think it's far more likely that people want to ignore them so they don't feel uncomfortable than that they will talk about them, at least in my experience. Though there are always jerks who thrive on making people uncomfortable by asking inappropriate questions.
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