Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

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Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby Beany Boo » March 12th, 2017, 5:37 am

Definitely a general improvement. The specifics are odd.

Without the chronic discomfort, my thoughts seem to be joining up. I can't explain it better than that. My patience for other people's voices seems to be extended. I'm more curious about them even though to be so, feels awkward. My memories seem to feel... nicer? More readily available.

I've had some episodes of abject horror but I don't seem to be dissociating. I'll usually cry or feel stressed but even though it might cycle, it always passes.

I had one moment where I felt like I was going to die in a certain current situation. I just thought, "fine, but I've got to keep going anyway." The feeling passed. That's never happened before.

I have this weird need to actually work; to have things make sense; rather than always behave compulsively.

I'm cautiously optimistic though.
Emotionally,

Mr B. Boo
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Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby savneetkaur » April 27th, 2017, 3:45 am

Thanks you guys.
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Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby oak » June 20th, 2017, 5:28 pm

Any updates since your last post, Beany Boo?
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Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby Beany Boo » June 20th, 2017, 8:32 pm

Improvements continue; the further I move away from incessant, oppressive pain the more freed I am to move and think.
Emotionally,

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preferred pronoun: That man, his things

Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby Beany Boo » June 21st, 2017, 3:27 am

I've got flu at the moment so I don't really have my shit together. But in spite of that, after many months my body is becoming used to being - relatively - chronic pain free. The less it expects pain, the more I want to move my body. I feel less pressed to skim emotions; my reactions to stuff can take time, and take on a depth. They also don't require the same intensity since there's less of a register of pain they have to rise above.

It's funny; with the window that's opened up, it's not the 'good' emotions that feel the best; happiness, connection, goodwill. It's frustration, wariness and boredom, that are most satisfying. It's the emotions I wasn't allowed to show as a child (because I had to show I was fucking grateful every minute of every day for the shit they shoveled on me). Without frustration, happiness can get pretty relentless. With frustration happiness is sweet and periodic.

In sum, without the pain my emotions have more free reign and I get to experience how they behave if they're allowed to play out.
Emotionally,

Mr B. Boo
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preferred pronoun: That man, his things

Re: Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

Postby oak » June 21st, 2017, 1:25 pm

Very interesting. Thanks for posting.
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"We gotta make a decision: leave tonight or live and die this way." -Tracy Chapman
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