Strength to you in working through it and taking care of yourself. After a lot (!!!) of crying and raging, I took the radical-for-me step of telling my mom I needed to not see her for a little while. Rather than screaming or being insistent on her need to see me, as I feared she would, she quietly accepted it, for which I was grateful.
That was about 3 weeks ago and the space has been very productive. While it doesn't lessen the pain it helps me to remember that my expectations and desires from my mother are in some cases valid, but I also need to appropriately grieve the reality that I didn't and never will get the mother I deserve, and make a healthy situationfor myself that is rooted in accepting that truth.
May not apply for your situation but I thought it might be helpful.