I never lived with my grandfather. I never even met him, I don't think. He committed suicide when I was six months old. It's been a sad, shameful family secret for 43 years. Now that I'm coming out with my mental illness, I really want to have an honest conversation with my father about him. I think of my grandfather all the time. He was an alcoholic, like me, and clearly suffered from depression, like me. Sometimes I feel that I continue to fight to get better just for his memory. I haven't come out to my dad about my depression yet, but I hope to share it with him soon and have that conversation. I have a pipe dream where my recovery helps my father to heal the wound left by his father's suicide. No idea how to start that discussion.