Powerpac wrote:I am a self centered, miserable "problem" person, with no prospects and no hope of seeing my way through to the other side.
Yeah, my experience with my major depressive episode was that it was like being fed slowly through something like a wood-chipper, and as things got really scary, I had no idea what would be on the other side of tomorrow. A lot of my ego and identity got lost, and it was the luck of the draw what survived and what died. And your situation is worse than mine was, that is why I feel so humbled before you.
Powerpac wrote:Now they have no time. I made a cordial attempt to say hello and my sister grunted with her back to me. I guess I'm in the wrong again.
Ugh, the holidays. I had the benefit (
) of always being an introverted grouch, depression or no.
Might be time to partially protect yourself by becoming a curmudgeonly grouch, and hanging out at the coffee-house for all hours. I am not supposed to say this, but even hours spent drinking at the bar would be better than exposing yourself to this (misguided? inadvertent?) negativity and passive hostility. Probably, if they knew better, they would do better. But, I know, that is no consolation.
Powerpac wrote:I can't imagine living with this pain much longer. I feel like I'm am collapsing inward, sinking in on myself.
Bleh, the wood-chipper. Myself, my ego and identity got destroyed, and I gained freedom to take certain actions that previously I would never have considered because of loss of face. There is, perversely, freedom gained as the temperature rises the the bath water turns to boiling. It is too cruel to contemplate, though, because nobody knows what will survive on the other side of the process, if anything.
I have no fantasies that I said anything helpful, because I am so inadequate to properly honor your pain. You have my admiration. Please take care, we are cheering for you, even when you, yourself, cannot.