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justdom wrote:I even find myself wanting less to fantasize about the future, and trying to focus and breathe in the present, even if it's not pretty.
justdom wrote:I'm just sort of surprised how in a matter of hours I go from feeling 'pretty okay' to wanting just to sleep for a month.
justdom wrote:So I'm reaching out to you guys out there. I do want to do my best to prepare for my finals, even if it means maybe only doing marginally better, but I know it will all too easy to get caught up trivia and somehow fulfil my negative wishes. Does this happen to you? How do you manage it? I really wasn't aware how built in my self-saboteur was; it'd be something else to bring to the couch when I get back there.
If my natural rate of work makes failure certain, then I let the certain failure flow through me without resistance, and I completely accept the failure in a friendly way.
That's well said. I like that a lot. Accepting uncertainty, celebrating partial success, and feeling peace with myself whether I'm the best ________ in the room or not. Those are all big challenges for me.justdom wrote:I think it makes sense that you have the right to try your best at something, you don't have the right to guarantee it's result.
justdom wrote:my ego is railing at the thought that I could possibly 'not succeed' despite my attempts
I had to go to such fantastic lengths to keep my ego from being degraded, and one part of that was academic self-sabotage. Very hard to perform at peak effectiveness when your ego is diverting so much energy at self-preservation, and when there is TOO MUCH at stake, some personality types make one shut down.
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