I noticed a couple of things you said that may be causing you some extra frustration on top of your father's behavior.
Other people look forward to/enjoy being with their dad, not me.
This is something I do too. I assume everyone else has this perfectly "normal" life and I have to hide my experiences because no one will understand. I think the MIHH podcasts and the comments already made should be proof that hardly anyone leads a "normal" life (I have a sneaking suspicion shows like "Leave it to Beaver" give us this false impression). In fact, I haven't spoken to my father with more than civil "Hi, how are you?" in more than four years. He is extremely emotionally manipulative with everyone around him, including me, my brother, his sister, and even his own mother. He spins emotional stories in order to get money out of people to fuel his gambling addiction. After I realized that his taking advantage of me had NOTHING to do with ME, I decided he is a toxic person and I cannot put myself anywhere near him. So no, I do NOT look forward to being with my dad, and avoid him like the plague.
For years I have made excuses for him...
To whom exactly did you make these excuses? I've made excuses for my dad (and other family members) to boyfriends, friends, teachers (my dad literally stole money from a school principal once...that was awkward). But mostly I made excuses to myself. I didn't want to accept who my father really was. He had a horrible childhood, he was severely abused and mistreated. And I feel sorry for him and wish he hadn't gone through it. But that does not mean that I must carry that burden and pain. I have to accept that my father cannot demonstrate his love to me (not that he doesn't actually love me, but that he doesn't know how to DO love) in a way that is healthy and supportive. I do not blame him, but I refuse to ask him for something he cannot provide. It's unfair to me...and to him too.
I don't know if my experience will help at all, but it seemed like a good one to share. Like terryb said, you need to make a decision about your relationship with him and stick to it.