dystopika wrote:What's the "terror"? Is it the loss of control? Is there no sense of burdens lifted in the aftermath?
Fair question. It is about control, in a way. I guess, sometimes, after I've cried there is a sense of relief, but that feeling is not strong and not consistently there. What is always
there is a bitter feeling of powerlessness
that I couldn't control my emotions even though I wanted to, a profound fear
that when my emotions are driving the bus they might lead me to do or say something that I can't take back, and an overwhelming dread
that I've just opened Pandora's box and the agony of the experience will never end.
I'm not sure how much of this is stuff that other people have been through, but at this point I have a really, really hard time regulating my emotions. I can go from 0 to 10 in a few seconds. I don't trust myself when I'm acting on emotion, and it's hard for me to feel a strong emotion and not act on it. I'm working on it though. I'll get there.