from my daily notebook

[manuel_moe_g]

It would have been nice if people around me were clued-in and courageous enough...

I know this feeling, and it has turned into resentment. When I had my breakdown, I dropped a lot of "friends", because I saw them as reminders of a life where I was coping and not living and walking a tightrope over a cliff. It probably isn't fair to them, but it is a very strong feeling I have.

[dare i say it]

I feel that resentment too. I try not to get stuck in it, but it's hard. I guess if I were in their shoes, I might have backed down from having a tough talk with someone. Hell, I do that now with a friend of mine (sort of). It's hard for me to tell him that I wish he were taking his health more seriously for 2 reasons. First, there's a good chance he'd be irritated with me for saying that. Second, it makes me feel like a hypcrite because for so long I held back a part of myself from mental health treatment. I'm trying not to repeat that mistake now with my current therapist. That's hard too because I totally thought I was giving it 100% before.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, that is a lot to unpack. I admire your courage, you are doing a lot of growing in a short amount of time. I am so happy you aren't going slow like I did.