First off, I suffer from clinical depression and have since birth. I have in the past taken various medications for short periods of time with little success. Two years ago I was suffering from high stress and anxiety resulting in sleep issues. A general MD prescribed me .5mg of Clonazepam at bedtime. I made a life changing mistake by NOT investigating Clonazepam and Benzodiazepines. I was upped to 1mg at bedtime after 6 months and as I came into my 14 month on this drug, I was so tranquilized and in such a "cog fog", that I could barely function. This drug slowly rewired my brain and then delivered the death blow by changing all my body functions and reasoning. My business feel apart, I lost my vehicle, RV, recreational equipment and a 30 year 780+ credit score. My life completely tanked in a little over year from this shit! At this stage, I continue to suffer greatly from what is known as "Protracted Withdraw Syndrome". I remain in a fixed cognitive fog that is terrifying. I have been clean since December 26, 2010 - my diet is as healthy as a person can eat, I exercise intensely as I have always been in fantastic shape and I take proper healthy vitamins (careful to not promote irregular brain activity), but none of this has made a bit of difference. The reason for this post is that my depression has risen to a level that I can barely hang on. This has never been the case with me. I am so lost and so terrified that I am damaged beyond healing that I don't know what or where to turn? I am so gun shy about taking any more medication that might rewire my brain and cause more problems, but I am so weak that I have actually found myself thinking about anti-depressants... again?. But then a huge rush of anxiety hits me and I force myself to discard any notion of exploring another medication. I just don't know what to do in terms of drugs at this point. I keep hearing people talk about their terrible side effects yet the depression is worse and they are willing to put up with the SXs? If they are anything like what I experienced with Benzodiazepines - NO WAY!! What to do??
I am a HUMAN-BEING something rather than a human doing nothing