Great interview. My thanks to Paul and Kulap for being so courageous and open. Listening to this show is an emotional journey, which in itself is a challenge for me, but I always come away from it feeling inspired.
At about the 1 hour mark of the show, Kulap talks about not wanting to be an angry person because as a child her mom would get angry and say super hurtful things to her. Then there is some discussion of what it would be like if she (Kulap) had "permission" to get mad--if there were no consequences for her just letting it all out in any way that felt natural. It was absolutely poignant and riveting! Paul mentioned a friend of his who went to the desert (supervised?) and took out some anger on a mannequin with a baseball bat. You might have to listen to the episode for that to make sense.
I have so many questions for anyone who's willing to tell me what they think. First, are there other people out there like me who try to never get angry, or at least never show it? Are there other guys out there like me who hate crying, even in private, so they try to never do it? I feel like I was absent from school the day they taught how to deal with unpleasant emotions.
Hypothetical scenario: I'm pissed at my roommate because he never takes care of his dirty dishes and he has a few other annoying habits. I'm too accommodating or too afraid of how it might come out to tell him in any clear way though. Maybe I undersell the importance of my own wishes, or maybe I'm just comfortable in the role of "the nice guy." Maybe I have a strong need to be liked by everyone, or maybe I don't want to turn into my father. I bite my tongue. Still, there's this urge building in me to scream at the guy or punch him in the face. I don't do either of those things. On some level I know that punching someone is an inappropriate response for whatever he did, and I've never hit anyone so I'd probably break my hand or something, but at this point I am genuinely furious and indignant.
That was many years ago. Nothing ever really came of it. It's a relatively benign example of something that has come up in my life over and over again where I try to avoid feeling angry, or sad, or hurt, or lonely or basically anything unpleasant. Any thoughts? Similar experiences? I 'd love to hear from ya.
Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.