[Insert Greeting Here]

[Mimi]

Hello, my name is Mimi. I am a new listener but I am catching up on the podcasts rather quickly (averaging about 1.5 a day during my commutes). They have become quite addicting since I learn/relate so much with each episode.

I am 24 and have recently been diagnosed with dysthemia. Looking back on my childhood and teens I recognize now what I didn't understand then. I have become more aware and cognizant of my moods and negative thinking in my research of this disorder (it actually brought me here!) but I still consider myself a "high-functioning depressive".

Dysthemia was previously called "depressive personality", living with this disorder for years, unaware and thinking something was flawed in me, I no longer know where I end and the sickness begins and I begin to wonder if the depression is now who I am.

I look forward to learning more about myself here from others who have gone through/are still going through the same thing.

It's been a pleasure to meet you all.

-Mimi

[roadieric]

Hi Mimi;

So without anyone having to Google it, could you explain a bit more specifically what a "depressive personality" is? The term seems rather vague, and as a result, probably easily misunderstood.

In a way, I can relate, because I deal with a bit of Aspergers, which is also only recently been discovered (relatively speaking) and is therefore also easily misunderstood, as are those who have been impacted by it.

[Mimi]

Clinically speaking it is a chronic depression lasting more than two years with symptoms that are less than that or less severe than major depression. Symptoms include low drive, low self esteem, low capacity for pleasure. People with dysthemia can come off as critical, negative or as a stick in the mud. <- That's Wikipedia re-worded, I'm never that succinct but I added my own flair. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

But to me its that constant feeling of "why am I not happy right now?" when everything is going quote/unquote good. The feeling that I want to curl up into myself and not bother dealing with the world. It's not being able to "snap out of it", not being able to enjoy the moment, not being able to congratulate myself on my accomplishments. Its being a child and not knowing why you're so different from the other kids because you see and feel things peculiarly.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Mimi,

Welcome! I totally relate to the feeling of unable to experience joy. My depression rarely expresses itself as intense anxiety, but mostly as difficulty in "feeling" things. Feeling detached, and floating from one event to the next, with nothing really standing out, except for the moments when I'm around like-minded people and feel less alone.


Paul

[Mimi]

Thank you, Mr. Gilmartin. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one stuck in the existential malaise.

[The Sleeper]

Hi Mimi! I have dysthemia too. Have you found anything interesting in your research? I have only read the wikipedia page. The low capacity for pleasure doesn't fit for me but the low drive and low self-esteem part do. I think of dysthemia as depression that will always be there LURKING and WAITING. It is something that makes me not trust my feelings ie do I really not want to go to this party or am I just avoiding it? It is also something that makes me afraid to have children because I am so preoccupied with my own health how the heck am I going to worry about someone else's?? I too felt very separate from other children and didn't know why.