Hi

[badkitty5151]

Hello, my name is Christy. I stumbled upon this podcast just recently and really enjoy it. I've suffered from mental illness since my teens, been hospitalized many times, medicated and even had ECT treatments. I haven't worked for three years now and am on disability for my depression. Not sure why I'm writing this since most of the time it doesn't make me feel better to hear what other people are going through. Instead of feeling hopeful after hearing other peoples struggles, I just think that they made it through and pulled themselves up while I still haven't. I think that's the real hell-not being able to connect with anyone and then the added bonus of not wanting to do anything anyone tells me to do that would help myself. I wake up everyday not wanting to do the simplest things such as going to the grocery store or cleaning up around the apartment. I struggle to enjoy the company of my best friend and sometimes make excuses to not get together. I have no motivation to do much other than lose myself in hours of meaningless television. I swear I value my cats company over anyone human. I have an appointment with a public agency next week that is to help me find employment and I don't know how I'm gonna act like I am interested or care. My family is tired of helping me out financially every month and well, my life is that of a sad hermit.

[fantine-ish]

Hi Christy, welcome to the forum... It sounds like you're in a pretty rough place. But it also sounds like you're making SOME effort (whether you realize it or not) to climb out of the pit. Making a connection through a podcast or message board is a big step. Making an effort to find a job (whether you want it or not, or literally don't care) is a big step. Sometimes we have to just DO things....because that's what life is. Keep plugging away at those steps. Are you currently talking with a counselor or therapist? Why not make that your next small goal? There are places that will let you talk for free and sometimes just talking (getting started is tough) will help you move forward. Don't look at the BIG PICTURE...take it one step at a time, don't fuss at yourself if you make mistakes, and know that while there are lots of people who've dug there way out, there are also lots of people in your same spot.

Let me know if you need to talk... I'm happy to listen.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello badkitty5151/Christy,

You have a much harder burden than I did, so all I can do is read what you wrote and honor your pain. You don't deserve such a burden.

If you need anyone to talk about how to work for 15 years straight on depression/anxiety and have very modest results to show for it, let me know!

All the best, please take care, we are cheering for you and we will hope for you when you cannot.

[dare i say it]

Welcome! It's always nice to have new people join the forum. I think if you look around here you'll find quite a few people who can sympathize with your troubles, or at least the pain you're going through.

I myself can relate to, well, basically everything you wrote--ECT, hospitals, big troubles with motivation, trouble with jobs. I guess I don't have cats though. I also started out feeling sort of pathetic or envious in a strange way when I heard about someone else's success story. If I'm honest there's still a part of me that feels that way. Still, this forum has allowed me to "connect" to other people. I don't know how. It just did. I hope it can do the same for you.

Dan

[Paul Gilmartin]

Christy,

Welcome. I'm sorry you're feeling stuck. I know the feeling when even the smallest task is an anvil and feels phony. In those moments I too seek refuge in my pets. I don't have any answers, but I can tell you, you are not alone.

Paul