I'm just gonna ramble here, I kind of need to do that at the moment.
I'm 22, I'm an atheist I live in Buffalo, I'm a college drop out, I'm from divorced parents, I have an overactive sex drive, I have not had many sexual partners (~2), I was on meds as a kid, I smoke pot and am cool with that and I like to drink and think I may be developing a drinking problem, I usually only eat one meal/day, I am constantly getting involved in my friends' personal business even though I actively try to keep myself from getting involved, I have a girlfriend who I have completely fallen for and who has been nothing but good for me and has become my best friend and who has made me a better person and most of all like myself, and she went out of the country to visit her family and suddenly for unexpected and infuriating circumstances will not be back until next year, and the hit that this has had on me has caused me to question everything, also I'm very poor but just got a second job.
So I wanted to write one sentence that described me and that came out. I don't know what's going on, I feel like things get good for a while and then they get bad, and then they settle and some things get good, but the more life you live the more bad things linger and the worse the world gets and the better the good things are and the more it hurts when you lose them. I think it's just part of the universe approaching heat death.
Despite all of this, I don't think I'm depressed and I do think of myself as an optimist, but just right now, possibly losing this girl, I don't think I've ever felt this horrible.
TL;DR: I'm fighting depression to the death