There is a strange sort of unspoken theory that once a woman has been raped, sex is no longer a viable option for her. Sex has been replaced by trauma, fear, pain, and anxiety. I’m not saying this is never the case. Every survivor’s story and experience is different, but too often the assumption is that if you have been raped, you are sexually broken and forever unfixable. That sort of discourse is not healthy or empowering or even sympathetic. What I want to say is what I wish I had been told: rape is not a form of sex, it is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatizing. It is possible for sex to exist after rape because they are different experiences, just like it’s possible for you to still enjoy going out to eat even if you got food poisoning once. You might never go back to that restaurant again, but it doesn’t mean you will get food poisoning every time you go out.
Admittedly, I don’t know what sex before rape is like. I lost my virginity to rape at 14. People are willing to give
5 Signs You’re A Binge-Dater?
By Jessica Levith, M.A.
To binge is to indulge excessively in an activity. This could be any activity like eating until you’re sick, drinking until you pass out, or gambling away your home. In many cases, binging is an unhealthy, potentially dangerous behavior used to mask underlying anxious or depressive feelings. It can also be the hallmark of an addiction. So what is binge-dating? Binge-dating is pressing the fast forward button on a relationship, speeding up the process of
getting to know someone in an intimate way. Often, this
Binge-dating is surprisingly common and without proper intervention, it can lead to repeatedly setting partnerships up for failure. A desire for a partner or wanting to avoid uncomfortable feelings isn’t in and of itself pathological. These are often normal human impulses. Binge-daters, however, have gone most of their lives being partnered. They dread the notion of being alone, and go to great lengths to keep that from
Below I’ve complied a list of common binge-dating signs. This list is by no means exhaustive or intended to diagnose. Each person’s pattern for dating is based on one’s own unique life history. This is simply a guide meant
I am a pedophile.
I have written that sentence a scant few times, spoken it aloud only once. And yet here I am, exposing it to a limitless audience, baring my deepest, most horrible secret to anyone who comes across it. I do not know what drove me to this point after years of hiding, though pseudonymously publishing this on a site run by someone else isn’t exactly ‘coming clean’. Regardless, after I decided to take the opportunity to put my true self, and my existence, down into writing.
There are people like me everywhere. All around you, perhaps among your closest friends or family. But before a panic rises, before I am flooded with requests to help identify these ‘monsters’, let’s return to a basic definition that no one remembers any more.
Not all pedophiles are child molesters. Not all child molesters are pedophiles. A pedophile, or one who suffers from pedophilic disorder, is defined in the DSM-5 as “a psychiatric disorder in persons 16 years of age or older typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interested towards prepubescent children”. A child molester is, obviously, someone who acts out sexually in some way with
I am a 38 year-old wife and mother of two.
My seven year-old son was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of 4. He exhibits traits of ADHD and possible ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and struggles with negative thinking. He’s an amazing young man with a passion for entertainment.
We also have a sweet daughter, who will be six in January. She loves animals, but more specific cats. She shows some attention difficulties and mimics her big brothers behaviors. Throughout the years we’ve had lots of support, but it just didn’t seem to get to the heart our struggles. These struggles happen daily and affect our whole family, but it impacts our daughter greatly. My daughter sees the way my son behaves and mimics his outbursts. It is difficult for her to cope with all of his outbursts, screams and frustration. There are many laughs in our house, however when there is a blow up, it is extreme.
7 Ways to Help Kids Stay Focused in School
Multitasking is a skill most kids are great at nowadays. From listening to iPods while instant messaging, from texting to Web-surfing, the interruptions are everywhere. With so many potential distractions, it’s no wonder kids have a hard time staying focused.
7 Tips for Helping Children Focus Better in School
Your child needs to develop effective concentration, focus strategies and self-discipline skills early on. These skills will increase his/her chances for long-term success throughout life. Here are some tips for parents hoping to help their kids with staying focused in school.
- Set and Share Expectations Early On
Adults have many vital responsibilities within their communities, at work, at home, etc… To prepare your children for adulthood responsibilities, they need to have some of their own right now. What’s the most important job in your kids’ lives? That would be learning. The sooner you establish your expectations and normal learning, studying and homework routines, the simpler it will be maintaining them.
- Manage and Minimize Distractions
Hi MIHH listeners,
My name’s Keagan and I wanted to write a blog post after listening to some podcasts and listener e-mails. This is because it seemed to me that there was a yearning or need for more information about gender and gender minorities, and I have a lot to share. More broadly, what I’d like to share is how I went from agreeing with all of the dogma of the GLBT “community” and the stereotypical rationalizations you hear people make for trans etc. individuals and finding an incredible amount of solace in that, to realizing that the GLBT and even trans “communities” (in my experience), as well as my professional work related to all of these topics.
I very rarely disclose my personal story when I give lectures, talks, trainings, etc. about this topic because it it’s irrelevant to the task at hand. I don’t mean that in a self-defeating way and I’m not closeted whatsoever, I mean that my personal experiences should have nothing to do with how one interprets information that is presented to them. However, I think the nature of this podcast and community allows, perhaps might demand, that I do that, and it
I posed the following question to several of my Bp buds: What impact has your bipolar diagnosis and treatment had on your sex life?
“Bipolar has influenced sexually addictive behaviors particularly around pornography and other online activities. When I’m manic, I’m impulsive. My inhibitions disappear and I make decisions that I later regret. When I am depressed, I seek out sex to medicate the pain.”
“In periods of mania or hypomania, I find myself feeling extremely sexual. I have more energy and desire to pursue these means. This leads to more confidence, and well, more sex. However, the exact same applies when I experience a period of depression. I find that my sex drive diminishes significantly. I lack of confidence and a decreased sense of self-worth.”
“When I’m manic, I have a high sex drive. When I am depressed, I don’t even know what sex or being in the mood feels like.”
“The mania can obviously spark your sex drive and make it almost impossible to completely satisfy, which some women love. On the other hand though, the depression can totally kill it. For me, I’ve had problems in my past during bouts of depression where my ex’s have literally
Denying Our Reality
A Response To The Recent Sex Addiction Study: “Sexual Desire Not Hypersexuality, Is Related To Neurophysiological Responses Elicited By Sexual Images”.
To Mr. Steele et al.,
My name is Jessica Levith and I’m an Intern Marriage and Family Therapist currently working with Sex and Love Addicted clients. I’ve also been humbly recovering for almost nine years from an addiction you’ve recently claimed doesn’t exist. I speak for only myself when I voice that your methodology and conclusion for this study was insufficient, deeply hurtful, and clinically dangerous.
Taking this extremely complex issue of sex addiction (which involves multiple levels of trauma, unhealthy attachment, sexuality, physiology, and self-concept), you extracted for testing only its most provocative, media-grabbing symptom of pornography. You had your subjects examine sexually provocative still photos and then tested their brain activity for addictive responses paralleling those of substance addicts. When no parallel showed up, you concluded that sex addiction must simply be a high level of sexual desire. I’m respectfully proposing, that your study may have excluded many other, potentially unaccounted for psychologically addictive factors contributing to your subjects’ sex addiction, including previous trauma(s), social conditioning, and internalized shame.
From the most terrifying moments to the most intimate, a scent can trigger a diverse emotional spectrum within our bodies and minds. Our memories, experiences, and the associations we attach to smells have the power to influence us for an entire lifetime, perhaps even beyond. For me, the scent of Old Spice cologne has the power to evoke a longing and nurturing down to the marrow of my bones. I wonder sometimes if it is the result of an unmet need, or the distant ghost of an actualized moment in my infancy.
Old Spice, original, was the cologne used by my father. I do not know if my dad still wears Old Spice, and if he does I do not know if it would it still create longing within me. My guess, or perhaps hope, is that it would not. My dad is not absent from my life, he is still alive and married to my mom, but our interactions are rare and often times loaded with emotional expectations that can’t be defined. I was raised in a household with six siblings, our small 3 bedroom, 1 bath farmhouse had seven kids and two adults; personal space and respectful