Author:Paul Gilmartin

Mini Ep – Producers of HBO’s Every Brilliant Thing

Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato have produced and/or directed some of Paul’s favorite documentaries, including Mapplethorpe: Look At The Pictures, 101 Rent Boys and Monica in Black & White. They sit down with Paul to talk about their newest film, Every Brilliant Thing which debuts on HBO Dec 26th and tackles the subject of finding joy in life’s little things when we’re surrounded by darkness.  Paul also talks to them about their days as struggling artists in the East Village during the beginning of the AIDS crisis and what draws them to subjects who have been vilified or marginalized by society.   Fenton and Randy also produce Ru Paul’s Drag Race and talk about why they love drag queens.

Follow Randy on Twitter @RandyBarbato

Follow Fenton on Twitter @FBailey

For info on Every Brilliant Thing click here


Inside the Mind of a 27 year-old with BiPolar II by Hannah Blum

 You are coasting along a straight path, then you struggle to get up that hill. The pain is almost a high. In a moment you have no energy, another too much. You feel like you are about to break, but you don’t stop, you know you have to keep running…

There are nights that turn into dawn in what seems like an instant. From reorganizing my closet to writing in my journal for hours, there are moments your mind is running so fast it is almost painful. You close your eyes, but your eyelids jolt, begging you to open.

So what do I do… 

Learning to harness my thoughts hours before sleep and avoiding stimulation. It works. It fails. A few solid nights of sleep is better than none.

Never content.

If God had bipolar, He would not have created the Earth in seven days. He would still be in the creative process. The day I graduated from the college, all I could think was “You can do better! You have to do more, Hannah!” Nothing is ever good enough, and relaxing while patting yourself on the back is nearly impossible. Being content in my mind is one step from slipping off the balance beam.

So what do I do… 

I breathe more often, and I breathe deeper. I have added exercise of mind and body like yoga.

Emotions run deep.

I hear a song and feel the pain inside the singer’s voice. I smell a flower and can feel its growth. I am sensitive to other people’s pain and hurt, to the point it keeps me up for nights. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night crying so hard I cannot breathe. I laugh as hard as I cry, I hurt as hard as I love.

So what do I do… 

I turn my pain into art by writing, drawing and creating to express these emotions.  Exercise gives me a healthy release.

Treading Water.

Every day my eyes open, and I have to tell myself to do everything I can to keep my head above water. I am one slip from falling to the bottom on a daily basis. Some days are harder than others, but I refuse to drown.

So what do I do… 

I keep moving forward. I keep active. I do not talk about my “struggle” often. I volunteer to help others outside of myself.

The lows are beyond explanation.

You are screaming at the top of your lungs but no one can hear you. It is not a headache, it is a cloud in your head that makes it almost impossible to see. You have no energy to speak. You are empty. You are numb. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so far.

So what do I do… 

Again, I turn these moments into some form of art. I set a goal for myself every day, and hold myself to it. I remind myself that tomorrow is a brand new day.

a self-portrait of the author with the words: Broken Mirror

The picture above is a picture from my journal days before I was hospitalized in 2010.  I have never shared it with anyone until now. Sending love to all my mental health warriors. You are bold. You are brave. You are brilliant. 

Follow this journey on Halfway 2 Hannah

This piece was published as a collaboration with The Mighty

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.


Letter To Her Suicidal 16 Year-Old Self – Katie Hirshberg

The 19 year-old college sophomore opens with a letter she wrote to her 16 year-old self who was so tired of the years of depression, anxiety self-hate, bullying, co-dependence, perfectionism, Crohn’s Disease and feeling like a burden that she was on the verge of taking her life.  Her dad, Alan sits in on the session to occasionally share his perspective on her struggles, their family dynamics and what he might have done differently.

This episode is sponsored by American Public Media’s podcast The Hilarious World of Depression with host John Moe

This episode is sponsored by TalkSpace online therapy.  To sign up or to learn more, go to  and, as a special offer for our listeners, you can use coupon code MIHH to get $30 off your first month.

Follow Katie on Twitter at @Rosearium

The podcast is now accepting monthly donations via Patreon.  Go to


Basketball Player Royce White live at ITTFest

The 25 year-old professional basketball player opens up to a live audience about mental health issues not only in his life (OCD, panic attacks and anxiety) but societally, especially in the NBA where he played, and in the relationships between POC and police officers. Royce shares about being raised by a single mom in a culturally diverse extended family.

Check out Royce’s mental health foundation

Follow him on Twitter @Highway_30

This episode is sponsored by

This episode is sponsored by TalkSpace.  For $30 off your first month of online therapy go to and use offer code MIHH

This episode is sponsored by ZipRecruiter.  To post jobs for free go to

This episode is sponsored by the magazine app Texture.  For a FREE 14 day trial go to

This episode is sponsored by Spring of Life’s Daily Energy.  Save 30% when you purchase online at

The podcast still needs monthly donors.  We now accept via Patreon and donors qualify for rewards from Paul.  Go to


The Wounded Healer – April Adams

Author/life-coach April Adams clarifies what an “energy healer” actually does despite it sounding like new-age b.s.  She talks about techniques she has used to deal with her childhood trauma and heal others.  She opens up about her experiences with swinging, sexual fluidity, embracing her attraction to women fairly late in life and possible love addiction/fear of intimacy in her same-sex marriage.

April’s book is Essence: Ending Emptiness, Finding Fulfillment

Her websites are and

This episode is sponsored by TommyJohn.  For 20% off your first order go to and use offer code MENTAL

This episode is sponsored by TalkSpace.  For $30 off your first month of online therapy go to and use offer code MIHH

To support the podcast (and get rewards from Paul) become a monthly donor via Patreon


Daddy Issues – Luisa Omielan

The 34 year-old British writer/comedian/performer shares about the pain of her parents’ nasty divorce when she was a kid, especially her father using her as a pawn and poisoning her mind about her mother. She also shares about her depression and only being turned on by men who treat her badly or are in some way unavailable. She talks about her struggle to not equate her self-worth with her career ups and downs and overcome her fear of not being enough.

This episode is sponsored by MVMT watches. Get 15% off today with FREE shipping and FREE returns by going to

This episode is sponsored by the magazine app Texture. For a 14 day FREE trial go to

To become a monthly donor to the podcast (and get rewards by Paul) sign up at

Follow Luisa on Twitter at

Check out her website


My Suicide Attempt Wakeup Call – Paul Goebel

The actor/comedian (@Midnight) opens up about his recent suicide attempt, psych ward stay  and how it is motivating him to seek help and try to be a better husband, father and friend.  He shares about trying to break the cycle of bad parenting and untreated addiction/mental illness in his family and learn how to identify and express his emotions instead of coping with his anxiety and depression by getting high.  He also expresses his regret in being a bad parent to his 2 daughters, a bad husband to his first wife and his treatment and attitude towards women.

This episode is sponsored by  To try a week of online counseling for free, go to

This episode is sponsored by ZipRecruiter.  To post jobs for free go to

This episode is sponsored by MadisonReed.  For 10% off your first color kit and free shipping go to and use offer code HAPPY

To support the podcast’s new donation option Patreon (with level-based rewards for donors!) go to

To check out more about Paul Goebel:

his twitter is

his website

a roast that they threw for him on the blog section of his website

And be on the lookout for his new podcast Paul Goebel & Friends


Feeling Invisible & BPD – Celia Finkelstein

The actor/improvisor (Horrible Bosses, American Horror Story) shares about learning to manager her Borderline Personality Disorder, and fears of abandonment or not being enough. She also shares about her weight struggles , depression, suicidal ideation, and being in a psych ward but hiding it from her mom. Post-interview Paul reads surveys and shares his thoughts on the intersection of our new political reality and mental health, especially for survivors of sexual trauma.

This episode is sponsored by Madison Reed. For 10% off your first hair color kit (and free shipping) go to and use offer code HAPPY.

For tix or info on this weekend’s In This Together mental health festival in Hollywood (Sun 4pm) where Paul will be recording former NBA player Royce White, go to

Follow Celia on Twitter @CeliaFink 

Check out Celia’s Facebook page


Behind The Good Girl Mask

Only hugged once in her life by her mother, 25 year-old Yohana is the daughter of conservative East African war refugees from Ethiopia & Eritrea.  All her life she has buried her rage by wearing the “good girl” mask to try to placate her narcissistic mother and having to be someone else to survive as a kid growing up in Oakland where there were some fixed ideas of what makes someone an “authentic African-American”.  She shares about living with a learning disability, having physically disabled siblings(and a mother who is ashamed of them) and a passive father. She talks about her battles with body shame, emotional eating, anxiety and depression.

This episode is sponsored by MadisonReed.  For 10% off your first hair color kit (and free shipping) go to and use offer code HAPPY

Follow Yohana on Twitter @Yohnkid

For info and tickets to the upcoming live MIHH event at the In This Together Festival in Los Angeles go to  It’s Sunday Nov 13th and starts at 4pm.  Paul will be interviewing former NBA player and mental health advocate Royce White.